Sunday, February 7, 2010

What he Believes: Why we Should Watch Iran Like a Hawk.

I've made some very interesting discoveries of late about that little thorn in our side named Iran, and it's "elected" leader, President I'm-a-Nutjob". This man is far more than just a nutjob, however. He is a religious fanatic (a TRUE religious fanatic, not the weirdos that the left always touts as being a danger in this country). Mahmoud Amidenijad is what we call a "twelver". There are very few of these people around, thank God, because they are, to put it mildly, batshit insane. These people are so batshit crazy, in fact, that the Ayatollah Khomeni himself (yes, THAT Ayatollah) banned the practices of the so-called "twelvers" within the borders of his country. Nevertheless, they're obviously still around.

What's a twelver, you ask? Well, put simply, twelvers are people who believe in the return of their version of the savior, the Mahdi, who is the Twelfth Imam.

According to Muslim beliefs, the Mahdi will, at a time of great discord in the world, appear to deliver us all from the evils of the world into paradise, much in the same way Jesus will return at the onset of Armageddon to rescue the faithful and punish the wicked.

With the Muslim version, though, there are a few caveats we need to worry about, as I'll explain now:

First, in order for the Mahdi to return, the world must be "awash in blood" and conflict must span the entire globe (sounds like WWIII to me). This is, I believe, a message saying that mankind must be experiencing its absolute darkest hour before the Mahdi returns. Makes sense, until you get to the bottom of how these whackjobs in Iran actually interpret those words.

Firstly, let me point to Amidenijads words at the UN summits that he and his fellow third-world thugs attend every year to denounce capitalism and the United States. Every year, it seems, this fool gets up to the podium and, after a seemingly harmless blessing, says this: "Hasten the return of the Mahdi" so that the world will know peace and justice. I didn't quote the second part because my memory is a bit fuzzy there, but the first part is right.

Hasten the return of the Mahdi. What exactly does he mean by that, you ask? Well, in another UN summit, he actually said "HELP ME" hasten the return of the Mahdi. Now, however in the in world would he "hasten the return of the Mahdi"? Well, let's go back to what the twelvers believe: The world must be AWASH IN BLOOD in order for the Mahdi to return. I'm sure it's only a coincidence that this wacko is chomping at the bit to develop nuclear weapons and "wipe Israel off the map." Sure, yeah. And if you believe that I've got some lovely oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you.

Secondly, what is it that the Iranians love to call this great country when nobody's looking, and sometimes when people ARE looking? Well, they call Israel the "Little Satan", and we, dear drones, are the Great Satan. Or, perhaps a better term would be, to the Muslims, we are the ANTICHRIST!!! That is why I laugh every time I hear Obama say he wants to talk with Iran. How do you talk with people who think you're the essence of all that is evil in the world? How? Still waiting...yeah, that's what I thought.

Thirdly, how many of you know which side Iran was on in World War II? I admittedly didn't know this until after watching Thursday's Beck episode on DVR on Friday, and so was pretty shocked to hear it. Iran was bound and and fist to Germany in World War II. Surprised that a religious nation would back an atheistic one? Just wait. Not only were they allies, but Iran actually changed its name from Persia AT THE SUGGESTION of the ambassador of Germany to Iran. Anyone know what Iran translates to from Farsi into English?


Chew on that for a while and let it sink in.